World Suicide Prevention Day 2018

Next month will be the five-year anniversary since my brilliant brother Daniel died by suicide.   Dan’s life was cut short before he was 40 years old leaving behind his loving wife and two beautiful young sons.  All preventable deaths are devastating. But suicide can shatter families and friends like nothing else I’ve seen. 

I have gone onto understand that suicide is the biggest killer for all ages from 5-35 years old and the biggest killer of men under 50. It is without doubt the single biggest public health challenge on preventable deaths of our times. As a society, we need to bring together our brightest minds, our financial assets and the political will to see a sustained and significant reduction in deaths from suicide.

However, this blog is both about the signs of progress we are seeing and also a simple message about what you can do today, tomorrow and every day to help reduce the risk of suicide for you and your friends and family.

Here for some signs of hope;

Firstly, the latest statistics on suicide indicate that overall number of suicides in the UK and the Republic of Ireland are falling (6,213 people in 2017 vs 6639 in 2015). For men (who are still three times more likely to die by suicide), the suicide rate is at its lowest for 30 years. Female suicide rate is rising in some parts of the UK but falling in Scotland and Ireland.  Rates since 1985 have been falling and we need to accelerate this trend.

Secondly, we were pleased last month that the Scottish Government heeded our call to establish a special body to look at tackling suicide and providing support to bereaved families (who are some of the most at risk themselves of suicide). Scotland is taking a lead and we will continue to push for England and Wales to do the same.

Lastly, there has been a little heralded but significant change in the law on suicide.  The way coroners decide on the cause of death has changed. We had for a long time been concerned about an under-reporting of the true scale of deaths by suicide because of the way coroners were giving verdicts of accidental deaths when some may well in fact have been suicide.

However, in a land mark high court ruling just last month, coronial law was changed so that now coroners can give a verdict of suicide ‘on the balance of probabilities’ instead of the previous higher evidence threshold of ‘beyond reasonable doubt’. Although this ruling is subject to an appeal, the law is a important step forward in the battle to see the true scale of the problem and marshal adequate resources to address it.

In previous blogs I have set out the evidence on the key societal steps needed to reduce suicide.  But there is something simple and radical we can all do to help reduce suicides. Our own research into stress showed that 32% of people had experienced suicidal thoughts at some point.  And as Horizon's brilliant film on suicide showed, the evidence is building that simply asking our friends and family if they have had suicidal thoughts over the past few weeks is the single most effective thing we can do. Despite fears that raising the subject of suicide could put ideas in people’s head, the evidence points to the reverse; it lowers the risk. For people experiencing isolation, knowing that someone cares enough to ask can be the difference between life and death. 

I have tried this. When I meet with friends, I have been asking them ‘Have you experienced suicidal thoughts’? It has opened up a deeper conversation and communicated that I really do care.  If people do tell me they are struggling, I try to follow our own advice to assure them that this is a common feeling and give hope that with time, things change. I am also ready to encourage them to seek expert help if they aren’t coping.

If asking about suicidal thoughts became a normal part of our cultural exchanges and practice (like putting on a seatbelt) I think hundreds if not thousands of lives would be saved.

You can be at the cultural cutting edge of suicide prevention by simply asking a compassionate question. Let’s make the difference together!

ENDS

My Stress Footprint

Written May 2017 

Last month, I wrote a blog announcing stress as the theme of Mental Health Awareness Week.  

Reading comments on social media to a blog is always an interesting and sometimes sobering process.  Many agreed this is a theme that is overdue serious consideration.  But one comment stood out.  ‘Why don’t you consider the stress you cause, not just the stress you experience?’ the comment read.  

Next month we will be releasing the results of the largest and most comprehensive survey on stress in the UK.   It will undoubtedly find that a significant amount of stress we experience comes from the interaction we have with other people in our lives.  

So, I decided to do a very unscientific survey.  I wanted to know from colleagues, friends and family about the stress that I cause them, how often it happened and in what ways I could act differently in future. I sent half a dozen people (including my wife and son) the same set of questions.  It felt like a scary thing to ask.  How would I feel if people unloaded a stream of hitherto unexpressed grievances that served to undermine the potential of the relationship? Could I handle feedback about how I contributed to people’s feeling of being overwhelmed and stressed?  

Well, the results came in. One by one people gave me humbling and gracious feedback. I want to share what I learnt and invite you consider doing the same.

Lesson 1 – The vulnerability dividend 

Even though I felt vulnerable in asking for feedback (and I think others felt vulnerable giving it), people responded with kindness and honesty, not cruelty.  In every case, the feedback left me with a deeper sense of respect and trust for that person.  Vulnerability is often the gateway to greater levels of trust and by definition, there is no comfortable way of being vulnerable. However, it is that trust that can help to reduce stress levels in relationships because there is a stronger platform to raise concerns more openly.  

Lesson 2 – Spotting patterns 

The fascinating aspect which emerged from the people’s answers, was that it revealed patterns in how I react to events and the world.  For example, my wife cited the same dynamic every time a particular person visited our home.  It often led to tension and arguments and yet I hadn’t spotted the Ground Hog day nature of my reactions.  Human behaviour is often like that. We think we are responding fresh to each new situation when in reality, we are re-hashing learnt behaviour. Sometimes those patterns have emerged because they have worked in the past or we have been rewarded in some way. However, in repeating them or applying them in a new context, we fail to see the stress storm we leave in our wake.  Or at least I did.  

Lesson 3 – Managing my own anxiety   

It was humbling to read that it was often my reactions to small events or attempts to push through ideas or control outcomes that caused the most stress. It was often when I felt anxious about something that I would be most likely to pass that feeling on to others. Whether it was ambushing a colleague with an idea, or using my moany voice with my son to get him to hurry up with tying his shoe laces*, it was me passing on my worries to others. Being able spot and manage my own anxiety and not be controlled by it feels like the holy grail toward reducing my stress footprint.  

Lesson 4 Learn to Rupture and repair  

The great news was that despite the examples of stress I’d caused, no-one used those examples as an opportunity to write me off. It’s obvious that avoiding all stress in long-term relationships is neither possible nor preferable.  For relationships to flourish, we need to learn how to move beyond the times when we bump up against each other and cause each other pain.  In one of the most relieving pieces of feedback, my son said what he found helped most was when I’d tuck him into bed and take time to say sorry for getting frustrated.  That reconciliation process (or the ability to let go and forgive) is what therapists call the rupture and repair process. I’d argue it is a vital part of preventing stress building up to chronic levels.  

This Mental Health Awareness Week, why not try taking stock of your stress footprint? It might just be the best way to lower your own stress.  

*my 11-year-old son’s feedback was that he felt stressed when I complain at the time he takes to tie up his shoe laces. I asked him how that made him feel. ‘Sad at first’ he said. ‘Then angry!’ Why don’t you tell me how you feel, I asked? ‘Because that would just make you worse!’  Now, that’s what I call feedback!  

ENDS  

Mental Health; personal and political

(written in May 2017)

Like all social movements, the Mental Health crisis is both personal and political ….

The Mental Health Foundation’s singular focus is finding and addressing the sources of mental health problems.  We are an organisation for all faiths and none, but as I look at the issue of poor mental health through the lens of my own faith, I find a parallel from Jesus’ approach in meeting the challenges we face today.  

Mental Health Awareness Week this year gave us the opportunity to ignite a national conversation about the importance of supporting good mental health. Reaching over 90 million people during the week, we asked one question: are we ‘Surviving or Thriving?’  

There are two strands in our journey towards a mentally thriving nation. The first is the personal, the things we can all do to better understand our mental health and know how to protect it.  This is a skill we are only just learning to master.  We often forget that just as with physical health there are things we can do that will make a real difference to sustainable and stable good levels of mental health.  The second part of the equation though is political; it is about the choices we are making as a society that impact our mental health.  This Mental Health Awareness Week we wanted to reflect on both the individual steps and political action necessary to prevent ourselves becoming ill but also to enable more of us to thrive in life with good mental health. 

Good mental health is about much more than just the absence of mental health problems; it is the capacity of each and all of us to feel, think, and act in ways that enhance our ability to enjoy life and deal with the challenges we face. It is living life to the fullest (see John 10v10), fully engaging with our communities, families and friends while feeling able to cope with the stresses and challenges everyday life brings.  

The quality of our relationships and strength of our connections with those around us are one of, if not the biggest predictor of health across our life course, both physical and mental. Those with stronger relationships live longer, happier lives with fewer mental and health problems than those without. The ongoing Harvard Study of Adult Development proving this is almost 80 years old and serves as a rallying call for us to embrace our communities. 

The evidence points to religious and spiritual practice being a protecting factor in decreasing the risk of mental health problems.  Certainly, the scriptures contain great depths and richness which we can apply to our own lives and provide solace and comfort.  For example, the most often repeated phrase in the biblical canon is ‘Do not be Afraid’ which is a good starting point in any discussion around positive mental health.  

However, Jesus’ life also contained a political call to action in his attempt to challenge the vested interest and hegemony of the Sadducees who had accumulated wealth and privilege under Roman rule. His repeated call for greater social justice and in turning over the tables in the centre of the Sadducees power was an example of Jesus not accepting the status quo that excluded the many in favour of the few. 

And we too must ask what turning of the tables means in terms of mental health - especially when our mental health awareness week study found striking inequality; the poorer you are, the more likely you are to experience mental health problems.  We have a duty to look beyond placing the onus on the individual to build their resilience so as to not experience problems, and set our sights on the deeper problems and inequalities in society that are putting people at disproportionate risk in the first place. 

At the Mental Health Foundation, we challenge the idea that high levels of stress and anxiety are simply the price we pay to keep our lives on track.  Alongside equipping ourselves to understand our mental health better, we must turn the tables on excessive expectations, poverty and inequality that for so many undermines good mental health. Now, more than ever, we need to find ways of building our collective resilience, supporting each other to thrive. 

To find out more about the Mental Health Foundation’s work and how you can support us in our mission, visit  

Mark Rowland is the Director of Communications and Fundraising and the Mental Health Foundation. [photo headshot available]